My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
