please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
