By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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