I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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