its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize