Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
