i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
