is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
