My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
