dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
