I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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