i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
