Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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