Is it because I queefed?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize