I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
