My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
