He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
