NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
