When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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