She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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