loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
