im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Someone signed my nipple.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
