talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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