TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
