On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
