so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
