I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
organizing the empties. That sober.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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