whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
