I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Church boner. Awkwardddd
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
