today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize