We need to start having sex underwater more often.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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