Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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