the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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