office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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