her vagine was all disorganized.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize