you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I enjoy the company of your penis
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
