My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize