I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize