Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
