Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
