drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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