you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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