just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
