can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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