i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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