you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
