Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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