Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
