We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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