I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
