are you so shy because you have an std?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
