no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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