So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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