whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
