Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
there's paper in my vomit.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i believe in u and ur pee
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
