FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
