you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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