Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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