I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
