please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
