The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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