Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
