I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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