why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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