I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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