He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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