Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
