he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
