She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
