I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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