there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
